When I finally read the book, “The Game: Penetrating the Secret Society of Pickup Artists”. It is a chronicle of a man who was frustrated with “forced celibacy” because he was bad with women, and later became a womanizer… not very godly, but I extracted a lot of truth from this very unlikely source. The book overall is quite educational, for examples, the author relayed a couple of womanizers he knew who grew tired of the lifestyle, and sought spiritual help; and the world greatest pickup artist struggles with bipolar— even the most beautiful women cannot fill his void.

The author himself concluded toward the end of the book that what most men want is just one special woman. It is quite similar to the Book of Ecclesiastes, in that King Solomon counted his numerous achievements, including his many concubines and wives, but all his accomplishments are “meaningless, a chasing after the wind.”

I am not saying the following ideas are 100% appropriate to implement, but in terms of attraction, these are the real stuff. They will create immense attraction in women if a guy knows how to apply them. I am not saying these ideas are sufficient to help you keep a relationship, but it certainly can help you start one.

Use them at your own discretion. There is a time and place for everything. You sure don’t need me to remind you that, for example, sex is for marriage!

Here I want to list them out.

Proverbs 30:18-19

What women want in a man?

Popularity with Women

I actually heard about this from a woman first, and later verified it through several other sources.

Women find popular men attractive. The more other women like a man, the more women will find that man attractive. They behave more competitively around a guy who has options. The reason of that is because women trust other women. If they perceive that other women favor this man, their subconscious would deduce that those women must have screened out other men and selected this person based on some good criteria.

One time I had dinner with a cute girl, and I found out some pretty women were checking me out, and it never happened before when I was alone.

There is no limit to how many girls you can have in your company. The more girls favoring you, the more attraction. I know it’s hard to believe, but you can literally go on a date with two women and get more attention from other women because of that. Yes, the society will condemn you. The Bible says it’s wrong, and it can be wrong, depends on the context (if you simply hang out with a couple of female friends, then it isn’t wrong. I am not advocate for polygamy), but I am not telling you to abuse this knowledge, I am just telling you the truth about attraction.

However, don’t make the mistake of becoming a woman pleaser. Don’t compete with other guys, especially your brothers in Christ, for attentions from women. I have seen so many guys who do that, and it always turns out to be counterproductive.

Well Groomed and Dressed

Women don’t primarily look at the physical attractiveness of a guy, but they want to see a man well groomed and dressed. Women like shiny things and fashions, so they put them on themselves. However, these things actually work better on guys, as guys in general don’t really look at clothing and shiny things, but women do. Afterall, in nature it is usually the male who “peacock”, not the females.

If a man wears perfume (not cologne), it actually attracts women, because it makes women feel like that man is popular with women, as they would unconsciously feel that this guy must have got those smells from other women.

They are Attracted by a Board Range of Things in Men

Women fall in love with men for many reasons—social grace, humor, masculinity, paternity… In contrast, men fall in love with women for a more narrow range of reasons.

Interestingly, everything that women find attractive in men are good things that worth to acquire.

Don’t ask women what they like in men, because sometimes what they tell you and what actually attract them are entirely different. I can certainly testify that with my own experience. If you pay too much attention to what women said, instead of observing what they do, or learning from the boys who know what they are doing, then you are doomed to fail. Your heart will break into a million pieces.

Make Them Laugh

Don’t go on and on with your Mr. Nice Guy speech. Don’t hide behind the good guy image. Show some personalities and good humor. They will feel more safe around you and find you genuine. If you are being nice all the time, it will work against you for a lot of reasons, because: 1) it feels fake, 2) you are just like hundreds other good guys, 3) they feel like you must have a psychopath side you are trying to hide, 4) it’s boring, 5) you seem needy.

There are probably more, but I don’t want to think too hard tonight.

If you make girls laugh, then it makes it easier for them to find you attractive, and listen to what you have to say.

Touch

One guy told me girls like to be touched. He said if you touch the back of their neck, like the way you pet a cat, they will act like a cat. They will enjoy it so much. When I first heard about it, I was like, “it’s so wrong! how dare you said it so openly in a Christian setting!” But at least it’s true information, unlike many stuff that religious leaders say, which are irrelevant and pseudo-biblical.

Don’t touch a girl sexually. It is counterproductive, let alone illegal and unbiblical! If you destroy the comfort of a woman, you also destroy any possibility of hearing from her again.

Many women find French and Italian guys attractive. These men also touch much more comparing with men from other cultures. We should study them to find out how they touch. To touch a girl without creating discomfort requires skill. You can certainly learn how to have more touch when interact with female, without coming across as a pervert.

Build a Castle

Women don’t want a prince to intrude their social space and “rescue” them. They don’t want strangers near their tower, even though they are supposed to be imprisoned in that tower, with a monster guarding it.

What they look for is a man with a big castle, big enough for her to want to go in and live there. They want your life to be more exciting than theirs, before they will align with you. If your life is boring and mediocre comparing with theirs, they will not find you attractive.

This castle doesn’t have to be tangible. You don’t really have to have a lot of friends, wealth, and things going on in your social life, but you need to present your life better, or show potential to lead a meaningful life.

If you have a profile on an online dating site, for example, pictures of you doing something interesting or being in an interesting place will attract much more attention from girls than pictures of you standing alone (especially self-shot pics).

Leader of Men

Women like leader of men. If you are in good term with other men, and they like your leadership, then your access to the women in their circle is clear.

Good male friends will introduce you to other women, and financial opportunities. Don’t focus on pleasing women, but instead focus on becoming the kind of man other men would respect. It’s a long term personal growth.

Don’t do anything to undermine your fellow men. It will backfire on you. A high quality man must be above that.

Social Standing

A man who can hold a court in public is attractive. In women’s eyes, your social skill determines the survivability of yourself and those you protect. Your ability to mobilize other men and resources to accomplish something determines how attractive you are in women’s eyes.

I notice this in my life. Guys, we have to do what we say. Whatever we say we will accomplish, accomplish them. Don’t leave so many tasks half done.

Women look at what we do, not just what we say. What we can accomplish determines our social standing.

Body Language and Tone of Voice

Our body gestures, postures, and tone of voice have a lot to do with attraction with women. Poor body postures, and fast talking (not loud enough, or ugly accent) can destroy attraction very quickly.

The subconscious of women is trying to calculate your value. If you have great postures and tone of voice, it indicates that you have good social skill, and probably successful.

Their intuition is often accurate.

Non Needy and Ready to Walk Away

You can’t win over a quality woman with strategies along these lines: Always be there, buy her gifts or dinner, body languages that suggest neediness, text or email her a lot more than she does to you, giving her compliments before she earns them…

Everything along those lines suggest that you have no other options. Women don’t like a man with little options. If  you won’t walk away, that shows that you are needy, instead of being loyal. Sadly, it is universally true for Christian women or non-Christian women.

You have to always show that you can walk away any moment (during the attraction building phrase, not during marriage). You are not there to worship her. You see plenty of fishes.

Mr Nice Guy is just a strategy, and a very bad one. Don’t cry about it when you fail with the Mr. Nice Guy approach. No one is just a nice guy. There must be something passionate and interesting inside every man. We must not be shy to reveal our true self before an attractive woman.

Checking Girls Out in a “Predatory” Manner

Wherever you are, don’t eyeball every woman and look for a good one to approach. Don’t wait for more than 3 seconds before you talk to a woman who interests you, otherwise, you will look predatory, and people can sense it. It looks weird.

I know for myself it is very true. As a single guy, I often find myself in an awkward situation when I see a girl who “looks spiritual”, but I am not sure what to do, and it takes me a lot of time to summon the courage to approach her (if she isn’t Christian, then I can share Gospel).

I just learned recently that what I should do is to talk to people who cross my path. If I have the time and energy, then I should just initiate a conversation. First, I begin with a smile, and then with an opener, maybe a story that may interest him or her.

There is a whole world of knowledge of how to open up a stranger, or a bunch of strangers, and continue to build up the rapport to the point that they want to be your friends and give you their contact information.

It is something that worths pursuing. In 5 to 10 years, this skill will pay a lot of dividends. Time is passing anyway, so I might as well build a useful skill set with that time, so that in a few years I would be in a better place than I am right now.

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There are so much more about attraction and as of this writing I am still learning in a very rapid rate. It seems that God is bringing me to a new stage of life where he feels the need to teach me how to be a man.

I have failed to attract the few girls I ever loved (I liked each of them too much I wasn’t myself. I fell into the Mr. Nice Guy trap). I don’t foresee how things will change for the better if I stay the way I was—an ignoramus of women.

I have came down from the high horse—the old thinking that someone will come along if you are “spiritual” enough. In fact, I learned so much more about evangelism by learning what women are attracted to in a man.

The qualities they find attractive in a man are very good qualities to acquire. Simply by going to church in a conventional way won’t guarantee you those qualities. A man must go out and face the real battles to acquire them, not by sitting behind the walls of church.

One of the crises Christian men face is that we don’t know how to attract women. It shouldn’t be a problem if we do church the way Jesus and his apostles did it (as a lot of qualities listed in this post are qualities they demonstrated). Unfortunately, the mainstream churches mostly replace the true Gospel with many invented doctrines, and their own traditions. It’s easy to find an “elder” from many churches who knows very little about the Bible.

I don’t believe that God will just work out everything for you one day, and bring you your future wife when you have many bad habits that kill attraction. Everyday God is bringing people into our life, and it’s up to us to approach them and show them God’s love. Among those people you touch, your future wife will most likely be one of them. You don’t know when it will happen, but when she shows up, you better be ready. You will only be ready after a lot of “training”. It can take hundred of hours, even thousands, to become the quality man that is attractive to woman.