It’s a long list, but there are priorities. Somethings on that list are more important than the rest, so let’s stick with the few things that matter most.
I only barely started to see the patterns. There probably are a lot more a woman look for in a long term relationship, but knowing a few important things would give us a good start.
Be the Author of Her Drama
Women want a man who leads in the relationship. He should be the director of her drama, the one who introduces fun conversations to stimulate her mind and emotions, and the leader who leads her each step of the way in a smooth manner in day to day life.
What comes as a pleasant surprise to me recently is that, men don’t need to be good looking, highly educated, or make a lot of money to be attractive to women. These are the “big tickets” items. Men look at big tickets items, but women take account of the small things in daily life. If you have a lot of money, it only counts as 1 out of 100. If you have a good look, that also counts only as 1.
The good thing is that, if you make a good joke, or a stimulating conversation that enriches her day, that counts as 1. It means just as much as the big item. It’s easy to score if you have the skills to lead her in small things, such as the skill of leading the conversation and keep it fun and stimulating, and you will keep scoring.
Provide Security through Structure and Boundary
Women’s emotional circuit is stronger than her logical circuit. She relies more on her intuition and social instinct to make decisions. If you make her feel uncomfortable, or if she senses that something is off, then to her something must be wrong. Men often make the mistakes of trying to convince their women that nothing is wrong using logic, but the truth is, they need to make her feel that way.
What a man must do is to provide the boundary, and structure for his woman. He shouldn’t be dictated by a woman’s emotions. He shouldn’t be affected by her drama, but to be an anchor, a stronghold, a pillar… who isn’t shaken in any non-peaceful situation. This makes his woman feel safe. She would feel like he can remain calm and confident in any situation. She feels like he is somehow in control when her world is shaken. The boundary and structure that the man provides make her subconsciously feels that he is taking care of things, and her. Often time, she would feel like her volatile emotions is overwhelming, but if a man shows that he is unaffected and confident, he becomes her support—a calming and authoritative presence.
In my last post, “What Attracts Women to Men?”, I listed some specific things that make a man attractive. In this post, I want to focus on the key elements—authority.
This one word pretty much cover everything women want in a man. It’s politically incorrect, but it’s true.
Today’s men have became a lot more feminised, because of social conditioning. It is important for us to rediscover what it means to be a man.
If you try to exercise authority when you are clueless and inexperienced, you will meet a lot of resistance and failures. People will react to you when you are not using it properly. Try to exercise your authority over your wife, children, or even your pet dog, and they will put up a fight, and you might fail time and again, but if you persist, and continue to improve, they will eventually love you for it.
Woman Doesn’t Need a Man Who Mirrors Her
If your love interest tests you with unreasonable demands, or throws a tantrum after another, or disrespects you, try this—walk away. Don’t give her attention. Don’t get mad. Get distracted. Find something else to do to occupy your mind. Try to disappear for a while, and you will be surprised that she will usually comes back and gives you more compliance in the future. She will get along with you better. She will appreciate you more. I say this assuming you are a good person in general, but always get walked over by your loved ones. However, if you are a bad person, your loved ones might find relief when you walk away.
Don’t try to win her over by becoming as emotional as she is. Don’t return tantrum for tantrum. Don’t go down to her level when she agrues with you. Don’t be louder than she is. Don’t tell her how depressed you are because of her actions. Instead, discipline her by walking away, praise her if she behave, and stick with your boundary. Don’t compromise easily. For example, if you try to make it a point for you and your woman to be punctural, then don’t wait for her for 30 minutes when she is late. Be assertive and principaled if you have made up your mind and you want her to know it.
Most women don’t want another woman to be her husband. If you are essentially a woman inside a man’s body, she will lose respect for you.
Don’t give her everything right from the beginning. Reveal yourself little by little. Bait her. Get her interested.
If you want to share your vulnerable side with her, don’t share too much. Don’t seek approval and understanding, but each time after you share a little weakness, share a bit more about how you overcame your problems successfully. This will cause her to want to be vulnerable to you too. She would share something about herself in exchange of what you share. Also, she would feel like she wants to fix your problems (if they aren’t too big). She would feel like there are connections between you two, and she would crave more.
The whole process is a bundle of push and pull, cold and hot, and one step forward two steps backwards. It’s yin and yang. You lead, and she follows. It’s like dancing. Women love to dance, because they likes to be led.
You can’t just suddenly tell her how much you love her—that you would die for her and all the crazies. She won’t believe it. You have to make her feel like she earned your affection bit by bit. You have to lead her little by little. Imagine you are playing with a cat. You use the string toy to bait the cat as it plays with it.
Don’t be boring. Orchestrate a complex emotional journey for her.
I have been going out and meeting more people recently. It gives me opportunities to practice the materials I just read, and make sense of a lot of things about women that escaped me before. It feels amazing how I can suddenly talk to a bunch of people, guys and girls, and get them to laugh (Social dynamic isn’t just for pick up) and open with me.
It feels wonderful to be able to get a bunch of women to interact with me when I only meet them on the street for the first time. Before, sometimes I passed by a woman who stared at me, and wondered, what if we were able to talk? Would that be a life changing incident? (as in if she might turn out to be my future wife?)
In future posts, I will post reports on how I meet and talk to girls in elevators, malls, coffee shops, bars… I am still practicing and learning. If I can talk to women under the most difficult situation, I could surely overcome other social challenges and enjoy more abundance, joys, and opportunities. I will pray and think about how to develop and utilize this skill set further to evangelize.