I understand that you feel isolated in the church. This is a result of the works of the enemies. They have planned and engineered our world so much so that even many churches are walking quite far from the Bible, without realizing it. It is normal to feel isolated when one wants to please God, because most people are walking in the board road, which leads to destruction, or they are kept in the dark because we have the darkest time ever in history right now, and it may get darker.

We have been compartmentalized so much that people don’t sympathize and communicate with each other so well anymore.

I don’t think you are going to Hell if you continue to repent and sincerely wait for God to rescue you. Regarding porn addiction, you have to stop giving yourself negative suggestion, such as “don’t push the button”, “don’t think about the purple elephant”, because by doing so, you are tricking your mind to keep thinking about that object until it becomes so strong and obsessive that it won’t go away. This is how many people remain stuck in some addictions. You have to start believing the purifying and liberating power of God’s words. As you start believing, the impulses and urges will wane. Don’t look at the ground while you are walking on a thin wire thousands of feet above it.

Your parents need you and so do God! We need more people who are as spiritually conscious as you. If you can’t minister to your parents, imagine the bigger problems we would face out there. Many people are living in bondage, and evil people are out there pushing for “drug war” while selling drugs in secret… We need Christian warriors to rise up and get the revival going. There are a lot of things that God requires us to do, such as start interceding for our nations, because some evil people are destroying our nations and pushing for the New World Order as we speak. Children are being abducted and abused in increasing number now. You may think you are weak, but in God’s eyes you are full of spiritual potential. You are just being lied to by the enemy. Satan wants Christians like you and me to think that we don’t matter and that we are still sinners, but truth is we are already new creation in Christ, we just need to believe it to live it.

God’s words are powerful, so start trusting what He says about your situation. For me, I have been reading Psalm lately, and other promises from the Bible. After trying to start my own business for many times and failed, I now rely on God’s promises to prosper me. Yes, it’s that simple. Look at Abraham, and Issac. They didn’t try hard or think about this or that too much, but God prospered them and commended them, but for Jacob, he bargained and thought too much. Of the 3 patriarchs, he was the most busy and smart, but he was the one who got the hardest life. Faith is simply believing in the words of God, so if you sin, repent and believe God forgives you, and stop worrying afterward.

Yes, I understand what you mean by poison from other people. We will never be able to help them if we rely on our own wisdom and power, but God will give you the power and the people as you believe in His promises. I am surrounded by negative people as well, and unbelieving Christians, but the thing is it doesn’t matter what my circumstance is. In the first century, God added people to the churches everyday. God can still change life, but He needs our faith. I know that when I have faith, people will change. Revival starts with me! and so does it start with you.

And please read my article “pray for the children”. It’s an example of people who needs someone like you to help them. In your own eyes, you might be a small potato, but in the eyes of enemies, you are walking hazard, a ticking time bomb. To God, you can do a lot of things if only your eyes are enlightened by His words.

God bless you and may He open your eyes. “I pray that the eyes of your heart may be enlightened in order that you may know the hope to which he has called you, the riches of his glorious inheritance in his holy people, and his incomparably great power for us who believe.” Ephesians 1:18-19