How to Overcome Sexual Temptation Part 4: Pray For Love
The topic of this post is “Pray For Love”. It means praying for your future spouse if you’re single. If you’re married, it means praying for God’s love in your marriage.
True romance is like a wine, the best favor takes time to come out. It requires consistent prayers, and a lot of effort.
In Part 3, we discussed how hope, faith, and love related to purity. This time I am going deeper: How do these pillar concepts of Christianity relate to intimacy and romance?
In fact, the Bible says a lot about love between a man and a woman. Some passages are even metaphorically graphical, such as passages from the book of Song of Songs.
It is God who created romance and physical intimacy. He Himself has said a lot about it through His inspired words, so of course He has the best way to fulfill such needs.
Remember in Part 3 I said that hope can give us strong endurance? Knowing that God will fulfill our needs and give us a happy ending can help us endure temptations much better.
4 Delight yourself in the LORD
and he will give you the desires of your heart. Psalm 37
If we find delight from the Lord, it will become much easier to wait, to wait for God to give us what we desire. It is not the other way around. Immature people like to satisfy themselves first, before they will satisfy the requirements or conditions for the rewards.
It’s frustrating to deal with such people. They always scream for what they want, but never accept their responsibilities. They keep fighting for their rights, but never take up their obligations first.
We can do things our way, but…
Imagine if we entertained these God-given desires in our own ways, wouldn’t it be chaotic?
If we shared our most precious gift with more than one person, in random timing, would you still call that gift precious?
15 Drink water from your own cistern,
running water from your own well.16 Should your springs overflow in the streets,
your streams of water in the public squares?17 Let them be yours alone,
never to be shared with strangers.18 May your fountain be blessed,
and may you rejoice in the wife of your youth.19 A loving doe, a graceful deer—
may her breasts satisfy you always,
may you ever be captivated by her love.20 Why be captivated, my son, by an adulteress?
Why embrace the bosom of another man’s wife? Proverbs 5:15-20
God created marriage. It is the only way, and the best way, to fulfill sexual needs, legitimately and morally.
Sex and intimacy before marriage, or outside of marriage will only bring you sorrows and curses in the long run. Pleasures and excitement from sin are but a moment! Um… make that a few moments if you like!
Marriage is an effective measure against sexual temptations!
One of the chief functions of marriage is protection. It protects both man and woman from sexual temptations:
2But since there is so much immorality, each man should have his own wife, and each woman her own husband…
9But if they cannot control themselves, they should marry, for it is better to marry than to burn with passion. 1 Corinthians 7:2, 9
Does that mean marriage will fix your problems totally, even with lust?
No, marriage is a lifelong classroom. If your spouse was the nicest person on Earth before marriage, he or she could turn into your meanest coach who revealed and rebuked your character flaws, until you were willing to change or repent.
If a Christian believe he or she can use marriage to replace his or her problems, such as family conflicts or lust, he or she will be disappointed.
God loves us too much to give us an easy way out.
I personally know many people who think they can finally get spoiled when they get married. Some of them who did get married actually signed up for the harshest training camp that will last for the rest of his or her life.
Many dating couples broke up before they could make it to marriage, because they never admitted their wrongs when conflicts arose. They just kept pointing fingers at each other, hoping the other person would say sorry first. And if they don’t get their ways, things can escalate. I have seen someone badmouthing her ex on the Internet, guy who acted hysterically and carried a knife around in mediation meeting, and wife who would call every friend of her husband and leader of his church and make a scene every time they had a fight. Nasty!
Till the end, very few people repented, but then they get into new relationship to heal the previous wounds! And the cycle repeats!
Happily ever after belongs to the humble and meek, not the narcissist and stubborn.
Marriage can be sweet, if you invest yourselves into it, before and after marry
We will sow what we reap in marriage. Even for single Christians, if they want to marry someday, it is crucial to start investing in their future spouses now by praying for that special person regularly. Yes, even before they meet that person.
When you start doing that, you will notice a few major changes.
Change 1: Sanctification
I started praying for my future wife when I was 10. It was a starry night… I think… I don’t exactly remember the stars but it was at night for sure, and I did look up at the sky the first time I prayed for my future wife.
Since then, my view toward relationship had started to change over the years. I had changed from wishing to have many girl friends and sexes before settle down to have one girl friend only; and later, from one girl friend only to no premarital sex; and from there, to no physical touch before marriage; and eventually down to no dating at all!
Now I believe in Christian courtship! Meaning, no random try out, but to carefully observe and discern a girl’s characters before making any attempt to discuss possibility of a relationship with the girl’s parents/guardian… then talk to the girl!
Change 2: Romantic
Over the years, I have become more and more romantic. As a single person, I can’t prove that to you, but I can sense it. I started making songs for my future wife a few years back. I have been writing journals, hoping someday a special person will read it. I have been learning about how to be a man and a leader, so I can lead my future family when the time comes. I have been taking good care of my body, exercising frequently, and even learned some beauty cares!
I have fantasied about massaging my wife after I get married. One time I was receiving a massage from a massagist, when I told him I wanted to learn massage and why, he rebuked me strongly! (I was in mainland China. Chinese men still have this pride thing)
Change 3: Dating-Resistant
Many friends I know who are close to my age have been in a relationship more than once.
If you believe that God has someone special reserved just for you, you will have peace and security. You will not date around for fear of aging alone.
9However, as it is written:
“No eye has seen,
no ear has heard,
no mind has conceived
what God has prepared for those who love (or wait for) him” 1 Corinthians 2:9
If you believe in this promise, anything less than God’s best will fade.
God’s plan is beautiful. Once you see it with your inner eyes, everything else, including and especially lust, will reveal their ugly selves comparing to the beautiful picture that you see.
You will not be able to date someone you know you are not going to spend the rest of your life with. You can’t, because that will make you worry what happens if God’s best suddenly shows up tomorrow! Or shows up but withdraw immediately after he or she sees that you already have someone!
I wonder how many guys and gals have repelled God’s best because they have been going out with someone! Heh heh! (You think I am mean? No, I’ve seen too many of that I don’t want to be heartbroken anymore!)
Deep in your heart, you know what you want. You know when a person isn’t the husband/wife that you like to have. And similarly, you will be very confident when you finally meet someone you can grow old with. Anything in between is NO! And God’s best will only appear in your life once, assuming that you have obeyed God’s plan A!
What if you miss out God’s best? Well… God always has a plan B, because He know that you and I are weak. But let us focus on plan A while it is still intact!
Beware of dating, especially with non-Christian, for you can adopt destructive habits through dating.
It’s a lifelong practice
Again, we sow what we reap. What you do before you marry will have consequences that last through your marriage. And for those who have married, it’s important to know that your spouse will change if you change first. Lasting romance only come from hard work and spiritual disciplines.
At the end of the day, it’s inner beauty that counts. Outward beauty will fade (Proverbs 31:30). However, every spiritual blessing that come from hard work and obedience will eventually become outward beauty! For example, many godly men in the Bible were handsome, and had beautiful wife or children. It was a bonus blessing from God.
But if you hurt relationships and family by sinning, how can you expect wounded souls to become beautiful outwardly? Guilt, abuse, or immorality can turn attractive persons ugly.
Ultimately, it’s God’s love that can strengthen marriage and repel lust. With God’s love, marriage can become an effective defense against lust. And hope of marrying God’s best will strengthen us against temptations even if we’re single. (Unless you have the gift of celibacy. In that case, you are waiting for the marriage between Christ and the Church)
Coming Next
I am going to talk about God’s word and how it can cleanse our soul and shield us from all temptations.
Go to Part 5, Spiritual Cleansing
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