Lesson: Forget what you think others have failed to do for you. Expectation on others lead to disappointments. Instead, love others, serve others, and keep in touch with quality people as often as you can.
Earlier, I asked a great friend of mine to sponsor a charity I have been supporting for years while I am away for Hong Kong these several months. He happily agreed. (In fact, he inquired what he could do for me in the first place, since he knew I had no income for months) The day he was supposed to deliver the promise, however, I sensed some distrust in him and I felt interrogated. (We have been communicating through MSN, so I can’t really read his expression. I maybe wrong) So I called it off. (Let’s call him Mr O.)
Asking for money while you most need it is embarrassing.
Maybe I failed to explain to him the details of the the whole process. But in general, money matter is sensitive. I don’t want to risk my relationship w/ Mr O. due to any possible misunderstanding over money. So I decided to not solicit any donation from friends in the future, and I told him that.
Last night, I called another great friend of mine to help me deposit 10 Cdn into my Canada bank account since my account was set up to autopay the charity in question each month, and this month it had almost run out of money. I emphasized that I will pay him back online. (Bank to bank international transfer is troublesome) He quickly agreed and did it for me. (let’s call him Deposit Friend, Mr D) I asked two other friends before him, but they didn’t respond online. Maybe they were away or maybe they had been too busy that day but felt uncomfortable to turn me down straight.
I felt vulnerable while speaking with Mr D on the phone.It was great because Mr D was a good listener. I found consolation from him. The conversation w/ Mr D also reminded me of yet another great friend of mine who was once very close when we were working together in the same Network Marketing company. (Call him Mr N)
Mr N and his family recruited me and became my uplines. In this venture, we suffered financially together (NM is hard). But this was also one of the reasons why we became close friends. Now he and his family had moved on to the real estate business. And me, finished university, did an exciting job, and then entered Sabbath mode for 2 years. (You can call it my entrepreneurial years, or unemployed years 
)
Last year, having learned a lot about Internet Marketing and some dealmaking techniques, I proposed a website plan for Mr N’s family business and suggested we do some deals together. There will be no added expenses, no additional capital required, no effort on his part, but potential for extra/incremental profits. I will also build for him an effective website that will actually generate leads. He asked me to send him proposals, so I did. I had sent him a series of proposals. But Mr N didn’t reply with even a simple feedback during the following months.
Mr N won’t answer my calls immediately these years because he was very busy with his business, church, and maybe other challenges in daily life. Not that we were in bad term, but he doesn’t answer most of the personal calls during work and his frequent travels. He usually call me back days or even weeks later. I think that’s a good practice. I will also do that in the future should I adopt more responsibilities.
If Mr N had turned down my proposals, it would have been better than simply not responding. But I understand that I was very green with IM and Dealmaking, so he couldn’t possibly trust me with his business at this stage. He might feel uncomfortable to tell me the truth- that he might not even have read one word from my proposals at all.
On the phone with Mr D, I shared my insecurities with friendships in general, w/out him knowing whom my other friends are. (He doesn’t personally know any of them)
Anyways, I thank God for Mr D. I also thank God for Mr N, Mr O, and the two other friends who did not respond online. I respect them so much because I think they are men of great characters. Maybe time, distance, and difference in stages of life (Some of them being very successful, and me being so green) have played some parts in setting us apart. I still thank God that they all had played crucial roles in different stages of my life.
The friends I mentioned above were all men of characters. This conclusion was based on long term observations of their actions, accomplishments, and words. That’s why I felt comfortable enough to deal with them financially.
Don’t Complain About Giving
The Bible says, “It is more blessed to give than to receive.” Act 20:35
Trust me, you don’t want to be on the receiving end. Prior to my resignation of my previous job 2 years ago(An executive position in the student goverment, resigned due to conscience and moral reason, under political pressure), I had been used to giving: giving money to student’s organizations, helping with student initiative, lobbying on their behalf with the university administration, helping friends to move houses, donating to charity…
After resignation, I finally left the campus and tried to figure out my future and career path. I chose to be an entrepreneur. Since then, I have been in a needy position because of the steep learning of curve of being an entrepreneur.
In the last 2 years, my parents have been helping me out with student loan and living expense. At the beginning I felt OK with it because I thought I would be making some income from my business projects soon. But later I found that I have been overestimating my competence.
See, this is what may happen if you test yourself by trying to make money based on results and real values you’re producing for others.
In a job, especially a government job, one can survive by doing busy non-productive work. But if you start a business on your own, the reality reveals itself.
I would like to get a job in the near future, while keeping my business projects on the side. I believe one day my business projects will prosper and I will return to the position of being able to give once again!2 years of harsh testing in the real world only make this humble desire much stronger.
If I get employed, this time I will focus on the results and results only, rather than putting in long hours and doing busywork out of guilt. 2 years of real world experience has changed me, forever.
This $10-deposit-and-charity episode has taught me how bad it felt to have to ask people to help out financially, even from your greatest friends.
The challenge of starting a business (My website and blog project) is that most people would laugh or criticize you all the way through, until signs of substantial rewards come. Most of my friends are good nature, so if I do succeed in the future, they probably won’t feel jealous, but would think that I created a miracle (Website makes money!?).
If not outright laughing and criticizing, some of them would insinuate – “your family is rich”, “For me, I would have started from low”(Means you’re too proud to even think about starting your own business), “I am a practical person” (You’re disillusioned), etc. Other might seems agreeable but are talking behind your back.
Even for the good people such as Mr N, they won’t deal with you because you’re still green.
I am excited
Despite of all this, actually, I should say because of all this, I become all the more excited. God is on my side. I know it.
This is the true test of leadership. Anything substantial and worthwhile take sweat and pain. It’s a lonely path.
I know I will be very thankful when I become able to give again.
I will look for some freelance jobs here in Hong Kong and see if I can find enough money to continue my commitment with the Charity for the next month. The kid whom I have been sponsoring will be in a very bad situation if I fail to continue my sponsorship!